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Posted in Uncategorized on July 18, 2017 by thebrutalityofreality

rather than get into a long discussion as i usually do ,  I hope this short transmission of emails drives home a good point.

This guy was in interview for 2 years ,   I saw him at the gym frequently , and as is my protocol,  no one just comes to class.   I conduct a long interview, most of which they don’t even know is going on so I know they are not giving false info or trying to impress. He finally was invited to class and the 2nd class said he just can’t commit

ok  but we remain in contact, workout at the gym,  talk,  he has helped me with projects around the house and we talk alot about martial arts.

saturday night,  we talked for about 3 hrs.  he’s very well studied in philosophy, religion, and many other topics.  He’s very intuitive and would have made a great student , but he cannot stay on topic.  At the end of the conversation,  he asked how I can control myself and not just haul off and beat people up.  He sees the shit comments i get at the gym for training as i do,   they dont’ understand it,  and have no honor in their lives.  My first reply was,   i’m afraid of the cop that comes after i hit them.    Now that’s a pretty true statement,   but i wrote this to him for a more complete reply.

thought maybe it would give someone a good thought to ponder.    Though this is about martial arts,   i think the whole blog site is applicable to every day life.



forward aggression is a weakness   not a strength

being prepared to deal with attack ,  violence,  hurt, pain, loss,


not a pass time or a 3 hr class……..

the reality from the beginning of time is that there are people who will try to harm you,  in words, in actions, or by exploiting your fears and attacking your insecurities,   limited training , no training will only produce forward aggression

training the correct way gives you a character that just lets people know  “maybe i shouldn’t screw with this one”

it’s all thru nature   all thru the world,   the weak only have 2 options,  retreat or be aggressive,   either is the path of the loser

without the physical body   the mind and techniques are useless, without the conditioned mind,  the body and techniques are useless, without the endless practice,  the mind and body are useless,  even if all 3 are in peak shape,   the reality of violence is often ignored…

that means the training is not real, and that means the defense is not real.   there are no options/choices

as with karate,   it teaches to hit   not to resolve yet the core teaching  is not to fight

but it doesn’t give the options      boxing is only to hit,    you get the point

however in the old style japanese jiu jutsu,  it incorporates sooo many techniques and battle tested ways,  it gives options.

there are weapons, joint locks, punches, blocks, kicks, pressure points, arm bars, take downs, throws,   and so much more,

the “options/choices” allow the practitioner to employ what is needed at the moment to produce the desired outcome.

the system is vast and requires many many years,    i’m in my 42nd year now and still learning and evolving

so now i have options/choices,       but the mind/ego is what must grow with the techniques –  not just destructive power

little training and small minds who cling to the bullshit fantasy of their skills can only retreat or show aggression

they have no options no choices

they think they know all aspects of violence,   they take short cuts and have no tolerance for study or pain,   they dont’ know their own breaking points because ego will not allow it,

they cannot accept themselves,   they cannot see themselves as they are   only what they want to be

and thru that arrogance they never become that

i was a small sick kid   the truth hurts, but i saw myself as i was,  as a child,  as a youth, in my 20s, 30/s and now 40s pushing 50’s

only thru the hurtful truth of how lacking i was ,  slow to develop, always sick,  was i able to become what i am and still know i have so much further to go if life continues……

rarely in civilian life is anyone faced with life /death choices that have to be made on the spot,  there is always a doctor or someone to fall back on and blame later,  only thru carrying the burden of choices,   some right and some wrong   …  when they are very hard choices,   there’s a burden to carry thru life,   that changes your character,   once you know big things,  what others think are big,   aren’t really so big any more    

sometimes the right choice is viewed as barbaric ,  evil,   unforgiving,     others cannot understand that moment

the burden you carry from those things  are part of training,   the acceptance,   the awareness that your actions produce things that cannot be changed once acted upon    the same concept is true for fighting,  for using a technique,    the action will be a burden

but the lazy ones who never really attain any skills,   they never have this problem, because they are training in fantasy  ,   back to , they only have retreat or aggression.

the average person cannot disconnect emotions from the violence,  therefor they cannot de escalate   nor can they use tactics

the loser hobby asshole says,   “i go for quick kill techniques”     only a loser goes from 0 to kill

again no options/ choices,      and they can’t pull it off anyway,

the professional has skills that allow no violence, no injury, thru the levels to the end,   but it’s one of many options/ choices

,  not the only option

the average person  thru lack of experience and training will be very emotional in very drastic scenarios.    look on tv,   they interview people who have no injury but witnessed a murder or horrific crash,   they are crying   emotional,   they cannot disconnect ,  they have fear even though they are not in danger.     conversely the media person for the police or fire department,    they are calm and state facts without emotion,   they are able to disconnect thru experience,

you have to develop a sort of on/off mode,      calm, nothing wrong,   but when a threat comes,   act accordingly

so many times people tried to trip me up,   sneak up on me,   grab me,    i always assess the threat,  i basically do nothing because there is no threat by their actions,    the loser is so indulged in his “ability”   he will lash out.   no choice/option

learning to deal with pain is such an important part of training and life in general,   but in modern training  there is no pain  only injuries by mistake,     there’s a very large difference between accidental pain,  and pain you know will be inflicted on you with intent and purpose.      the first time someone feels pain ,   bad pain,   emotions take over ,    and they shut off or freak out.

thru the proper training,   pain will become familiar ,  emotions taken out of it,   your body will function as long as it can and wont’ function when it can’t function any longer,   but emotions wont’ shut you down,  fear wont’ stop you …..

and that’s a large part of dealing with assholes,    when you experience enough pain,   a new outlook takes over,   a confidence,   you know if you engage,   he will react to pain,   but you will not react the same as you are familiar with pain…..

all part of the “stew” of training……

thru the many years of training   its a big strew of contributing factors

in the early years    there is only how much power do you have    how much can you deliver

the point to be proven

in later years,   the confidence comes and you feel that you can win without inflicting too much damage

but this only comes thru actual experience that hardens you to words and allows you to see the inner enemy

then many years later    if you study hard   train hard    if you make great progress

if you have been in many real scenarios,  experienced pain, defeat, humiliation,  and all the suffering that comes with real engagements ..

then you have choices           this cannot be found in “hobby – i do it on tues. ”   commercial martial arts training  

preparing for violence   training in the true warrior arts,   requires you to be a leader,  not a follower,   you must shed the lies of society, of politics, and see what “is”    when you accept the darkest side of humanity,   only then  can you see past optimist/pessimist


only thru immersing yourself in the most real encounters can you gain the confidence and wisdom,  that cannot be found in commercial dojos,  you have to experience what you say you are training for,  martial “military” training cannot be done without experiencing fear,

only thru that fear,  can you learn how to manage fear,

you must accept the reality of death, of injury, of many things,

shooting at the range is a hobby,   it’s not combative training,  only putting yourself in harms way can you actually train and learn to manage fear,   but you can’t go to a public range and have your friend shoot 10” from your head to know what it’s like to get shot at,  and if you could,   you really have to trust your buddy.    the same for true combative training,  you must be in vulnerable positions, many times get hurt,   and endure,   there are no days off,  no where to run,   but in modern times,  everyone can stop and no consequence,   back to ,   it’s a daily job,    push to the limits daily

the young man says    ‘respect me”    at this age    who gives a shit

i dont’ much care what someone thinks of me when i think they are a piece of shit themeselves

a gun is not the answer   it’s another tool    it’s how well can you use it    not just hit a static target but how well can you move your body,  move under stress,   the whole bucket

the punch is like the gun   it’s not the answer   it’s how well you can move your body   how well you have conditioned

you ask how i stand there hitting the pole infront of everyone    how do i not care what they say or think…    fuck them

they are losers   i’m not there to impress them    they are far beneath me

i have the right to feel that because i have paid the price,  suffered   trained    and i have the experience

suffering builds character     and only thru suffering and sacrifice can you earn the right to feel a certain way and no one who has not endured the same can dispute it

my hands are hard    my hits are hard      that little jerk who tells everyone he can kill someone with 3lbs of pressure,  he doesnt’ like me,  he told me when i was friendly to him about his training,

‘i didnt’ want to waste 30years training in bullshit,  i just wanted to learn how to kill”

should i just beat the shit out of him?   ask him to use his 3lbs of pressure to save his life/??   then the cops come and i have no life

fuck him and his 3lbs of pressure,   he is weak, a small mind with no success or talent,

and he’s never killed anyone with 3lbs of pressure

but that’s not the point      my skills give my options,/ choices

i have been in many confrontations that i can control    no damage,  some damage    a lot of damage

and some times i just got beat up bad     there is no promised victory    but even in losing, losing bad there is much to be gained….

my scars show my experience,   my scars are my rank, not some paper or trophy….

only thru skill is this possible

but when skill is  lacking   only aggression remains

when reason fails    only violence remains    you can only retreat and hope the aggressor will show kindness to you

you have no power

however,   just because you have violent resolve at your disposal    that is not the answer either

having the choice is the solution     there is no aggression   no violence    no fear no action from reaction

only the “choice”   the option   of the best resolve

my younger years,   i was full of aggression because i was full of fear

now ,   i dont’ much care about ego,   have nothing to prove   i’ve proven it and no one has the right to know what i’ve proven

there is nothing i have to show,    character should show thru on it’s own

but i keep people at a distance for good reasons

wisdom from study ,    from philosophy gives me the insight to see past the outer person

many times people are so conflicted inside,  so why get into it?

only thru the real training can you see   “into ” people

it’s not only for the combative side,   it’s to avoid combat

i’ll leave off with ben franklins poem

the nail could be the “KILLING TECHNIQUE”

in seeking absolute victory    everything will be lost

“For the want of a nail the shoe was lost,
For the want of a shoe the horse was lost,
For the want of a horse the rider was lost,
For the want of a rider the battle was lost,
For the want of a battle the kingdom was lost,
And all for the want of a horseshoe-nail.”

a reply to a student that I thought so profound it was worth posting, ……..

Posted in Uncategorized on June 16, 2017 by thebrutalityofreality

though this will not make sense in the context in which i meant it to any who have not trained with me,   I feel that it is profound enough to make anyone who has wisdom take this and formulate something that will be meaningful in your own life,   it doesn’t have to be martial arts,  it’s just the concept i think many will get something from…..

the reply was in reference to blocks and movement from Uechi Ryu that he is now starting to learn,  but he has studied the old jiu jutsu with me for almost 10 years,   my continual message to everyone who wishes to train,   they ask  ” how long does it take to master the art?”     I tell them i don’t know because i haven’t reached mastery yet,  but if they study hard , practice daily for 10 years,   then, and only then , can i begin to teach them.     He is now bordering being teachable.   a far different way of teaching then the commercial places where belts are handed out like certificates at drug programs……….

any block strike,  movement   as long as it’s compound ,  can be tested as to it’s validity and effectiveness thru the intricate subtle movements of joint controls

it will not work for single motions    like a single punch or block    only in the context of continual movement as in a counter defense

it is the old aikijutsu that has been lost

the uech wa uke,   the push

if we do it their way   it is a single point movement

the block will not serve to move into a new position or movement

however  ,   done my way ,   with the flavor of the jutsu

we can empirically test without interference, the movement  –  is it just a single limb or single muscle?   or does it incorporate the whole body movement and angular/ linear movement from the basis of tai chi and the jutsu

anything can be made into a wrist control,   from weapons , swords, empty hand,   to blocking and avoidance

if  the movement cannot be translated easily into a viable joint lock,  then it is a weak movement without knowledge of the “path’ that will only work with extreme power, luck , and overwhelming rather than subtle control thru ki extension

a reply to a non -student about martial arts as a hobby or way of life, and his rejection of a teacher and want of an instructor

Posted in Uncategorized on June 11, 2017 by thebrutalityofreality

this is a reply to a non student,   he went thru interview for 2 years,  finally was in,  but 2 classes and he quit,   he struggles with commitment in so many ways,  he’s so smart, so intuitive, so talented,  but he cannot commit,   now he says in reference to a conversation with his mother that really upset him   that he knows he doesnt’ want a teacher,  only an instructor,  he states that a teacher “tells you what to do, like my mother’     but an instructor is not so absolute,

my correction is that he’s confusing “teacher” with bossy assholes.

a teacher guides,  points the student

i would strongly suggest after reading this,  if it’s interesting,    to read the article

teacher vs instructor,   just too much to type here,

he is projecting his failure with me to everything in his life,   struggling with his lack of commitment,  but as is always the case,  when someone fails in class,  there are no more excuses for their life and they are forced to see their weakness,   many times they change and are better for the experience,   but many times they just adopt a new doctrine of life that gives them permission for how they continue to live,  that’s what i see…….   he is now equating anyone who gives him advice,  to the teacher ,   which means he is defending himself to me,  stating,    he didnt’ want a teacher  and he only wants martial arts as a hobby,   he stated that a few weeks ago,   but prior to class he had admiration for me and my lifestyle,   and still does,  but no longer says he wants it,

now his defense is “instructor and hobby”

thru it all,  he comes over and helps me with my house projects,  meets me at gym, and now wants to start a dojo with me,   but he is not a student

he states frequently,   “you were right again,  i just didn’t see it,  but you are right again”,        but he feels hurt and failed,   so this is the answer      i tell him someday he’ll look back and wonder why he didnt’ do things differently    but that’s his age

32 and full of life

that’s the meat of it,   and this is my reply       thought it was worth posting,

seems to me    and i hope i’m not overstepping bounds

you take frustrations   things that make you feel bad   and make you feel like you failed at something

and i’ve notice you apply it to the teacher things

perhaps there is a much deeper reason     ,  no for your feelings with yioru mother

but for you  to press the teacher issue and tkd as a hobby

yet you say you want to teach

teaching is not a hobby   it’s either a business or a serious way of life

i see many things    ,   but i’ve known you long enough to know,

yiou do best with a given direcgtion    not a statement

so ,  and i mean this out of friendship,   thanks for yoru help

sometimes    we fight our emotions about A becasue it’s actuall G that’s bugging us

but you can’t see    b-f and you can never discover G

you have so much good insight,   but i know yo have to figure it out for yourself

my only message is that some day  you’ll look back,  kick yourself for not listening more,   doing things differently

and that’s the price of wisdom and age,

if you never look back and see you made mistakes,   thought of htings wrong    wonder why you pushed ones who cared away while keeping ones who weren’t friends    then you have never grown

if you dont’ look back and see things    that means you didnt’ grow  didn’t learn

problem is ,  by the time we learn it’s alwyas too late

think of a race,    the fuel you have is your own knowledge and also the knowledge of others

theres only enough life to go so far in the race,

if you have limited knowledge as most do     then you can only have a small fuel source to go a little way

if yo have great knowledge  because you are a good study and live a well placed life never wasting time and never letting things og

then you travel further    but still life is short and you can only travel so far

now if yiou take advice ,  knowledge from the wrong person   ,  you put that fuel in your tank and it contaminates everything making your trip even shorter than if you had just used your own fuel {knowledge}

the key is to use a sort of warp drive,  a worm hole,   a way to travel extra far in your short life

so you need a super fuel   {knowledge}   but that fuel is far beyond what you possess

so the key is to take advice from someone ,  take the knowledge , the fuel ,  to get you farther in the race

the problem is who you take the fuel from,    most will just shut your engine down and you won’t ever be able to repair it

but ifyou can find someone,  someone who is truly wise,   if that someone gives you knowledge , fuel, for your race and not the fuel they use for their own race,

then you have knowledge “fuel”   that you would never have gotten and if you did,   it would be when you are too old to be in the race

most advice sucks   you really have to rate the person giving it,    i would never give computer advice,   i dont’ have knowledge to give

i wouldt’ give web building advice,     just dont’ know

but the advice i give is because i’ve lived,  learned,   and know ,  absolutely, that i’m right

further more,   i’ve worked hard to be ‘the teacher”   ,    a “teacher”  will not contaminate the student with his own bias or scars,

the teacher must put aside his own “feelings”   and understand the “feelings” and emotional state of the student ,

only then can a teacher offer any advice, that can be used as fuel for the race of life

only good fuel will allow you to accelerate past your peers ,   to gain super speed and travel the farthest you can in the race of life,

but no matter how fast you travel,   no matter what you learn along the way,,      if you’ve lived a good life,   full of study and righteous deeds,   at the end,   you will see the race ended too fast,  you had sooooo much more to travel,   and so much more fuel,

you should realize that your fuel became stronger,   more efficient with age,    then you know you have learned

but if you get to the end of the race,  feel you traveled far enough,   if you dont’ see the infinite path that was still there to be traveled,  you have wasted your life,   your race,

if you were one of the many that just sat on the side of the road idle ,  putting things off till tomrrow,    then you never were in the race to begin with

in then end  ,  you have are heavy with sorrow that the race has ended,  not because you are scared of death, but because you know there was so much more to learn   ,  if in the end   your fuel is such a powerful mixture ,  so much so that the engine just can’t handle it,

then you have lived a good life   a good race,

the race ends way to quickly,    along the way    you must not stop too often to take in the sights,  that is time lost in traveling the road of life,   don’t spend too much time idle,    the end of the race comes long before you think

even if you still have life,   the engine just doesn’t work like it did when you were young

wisdom comes when the body is no longer able to make use of it.

drive fast,   don’t take too many naps,   and never ever sit idle while the others pass you…………


Posted in special forces training, body guard, judo, tai chi, punching, kicking, blocking, stick fighting, knife fighting, kung fu, ninjutsu,, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2017 by thebrutalityofreality

the conversation was about us getting old and how our lives have isolated us.   many of my articles discuss this,  he finally said  ,   in short,    we have earned the right to discard what we want,  because we have the experience to make the choice,

there was much more to the several hrs of discussion,  but that’s the meat of it,    i asked him to write something i could post ,  and here it is..     whether martial arts, or any thing you study,   if you require someone to learn from ,   shouldn’t you learn from someone who has at least as much experience as you wish to learn?    then why go to the corner dojo,  the commercial “business” ,  the day care center?   in the end,   it’s experience that gives us the scales to measure the truth.   the problem today is no one has much experience,  so the majority becomes the rule and the rule is not very experienced.   so people like my friend and myself are the small isolated group that is looked down upon  ,   we just don’t fit in because of “experience”  and “knowledge”

here’s his thoughts as it relates to the conversation of getting old and living a life where we never really fit in,  accept in a small circle.


“My pursuit, is the vehicle powered by passion that has brought me to knowledge and experience. That knowledge and experience gave birth to my objectivity. They entitle or perhaps provide me the right to now cast aside an opinion, a principal, a philosophy, one move, one method, or even an entire ‘art’- forever or temporarily.  At minimum I deserve, and I am allowed to decide for myself what I will value, what works, what is real, or what is useful.  No, I’m not arrogant, I am confident and courageous. 
My courage is fueled by respect and duty- that courage compels me to share, but it also tells me at times not to share.  That courage is to blame for why others will hear me say, ‘that is what remains, and it is mine’.
And yes, what I cast aside will always have value, I said aside, not away. I will keep it close. Maybe I will need to use them as a resource- maybe I see in them, subjectivity. You can’t have objectivity without knowledge and experience, so If and when I choose to share, I can’t think of an easier or other fair way to ‘recruit’ appeal to what I did not cast aside, but to be able to point out an example of what I see as subjective… a claim of objectivity is nothing of value without an example subjectivity.”  R.J. Tucker, with Anthony Carrano,2017.
another great reply in reference to a conversation about training for reality, whether it be combative or just a skill in life,    people train thru illusion.  They never seek the truth because the truth just slaps them in the face screaming loser.  The truth of the loser is that they always look for the easy way out.   Whether it be martial arts with the “3lbs of pressure can kill a person” bullshit or the any other skill,    only training for reality, in realistic scenarios will give the experience required to look objectively and see subjectively,  what you need and what is useless.
this great reply comes in reference to a training vid,  the participants talk about quick kills and one shot stops with punches that are just plain weak.   there is a method to training correctly and this reply pretty much sums up the way to look at it ……
Innate- what you were “born” with. That must be tempered with what you have learned – but if you have learned something you know as to be negative or non-productive.
-Merge Carnal & Temporal 
As the saying goes


a teacher must lead by example not merely words. Words are there to explain the action not to compensate lack of action.

Posted in Uncategorized on April 10, 2017 by thebrutalityofreality

please remember i use a head set to dictate ,   it doesn’t always understand what i say

i’m not illiterate,   but it takes too much time to go over it all,   hope you get the points .


I will preface this article with the statement that there is a big difference between a professional psychiatrist, psychologist, and the teacher of the old path. At the end I will address this issue again but for now I hope the reader will keep in mind that the difference I intend to explain is that a professional works with the masses and must have a general outline in which he abides by and rules that he must not break, he has a sort of political correctness that he must uphold to show his professionalism. The professional uses big words, in-depth studies are cited, the professional treats the patient as a clinical disease rather than a person of individual needs. In my case, having pride in being a teacher, I put aside the political correctness and treat my student or friend as an individual. I feel that I take a great deal of time to understand their needs and their baggage and therefore I am in tune with them much more than a professional could ever be during a one hour session no matter how often. This article would jump around a bit as I usually do but instead of talking about theoretical high will touch our personal experience that I have just gone through with a friend. The end result is that my methods, though harsh, work well. If you don’t intend to read the full article I feel there is enough pertinent information contained within the first few paragraphs that the reader should now. So here’s a basic outline if you do not wish to read the entire article. First I tried to get to know someone as intimately as I can. In the case of my friend were past students we talked for at least a year or so and I engage them in many different conversations. The topics range from personal to professional from needs to want and so many other things it would be impossible to list. After about a year or so I have a good understanding of what their baggage is. The next phase is to prove my friendship and show them that I do not open to just anyone and even the ones I do open myself to, I do it with discretion and fear. So when they see that I have open myself to them, they feel good, they feel they have a ready achieve something and we become closer. As for myself I really do not open my life to many, only a few students and outside of students I really can’t think of more than two that I have ever been close to. The next step is to show them that I do live the life that I preach about. When I preach no procrastination I constantly give them examples of how I do not procrastinate in my own life. Though I am sick and health, have many problems, whatever the case may be I do not procrastinate. As a teacher must lead by example not merely words. Words are there to explain the action not to compensate lack of action.

I just came up with that and feel it is worth mentioning again… A teacher must lead by example not merely words — words are the heir to explain the action not to compensate lack of action.

So many times a black belt or senior instructor gives the students at many directions and many values or tenants to uphold, yet if you dig into their personal life they hold none of these teachings themselves. As I pride myself on being a teacher, I take this very seriously. I do not ask of a student or a friend to live as I live or do as I do, I merely ask that they do of what I do and live with half the integrity and honor that I do. In that way, I am not putting myself on a pedestal, nor am I giving them unattainable goals. The hard part in all of this is that the teacher has to be real and live the life. No student or friend, if they have half a brain, will respect you nor will they follow you if you are not all that you say they should be. Further more you should be able to demonstrate and cite many examples in your own life where you have failed because you have strayed from your teachings and explain how you would not have failed had you followed your own advice.

Now for the long story. A while ago my friend, as I call him now, contacted me on my YouTube site. He had an interest in martial arts and like my videos. Then he asked if he could call me stating he thinks we would be good friends. Now everyone has a different understanding of friendship. Most people use the word friendship very broadly and lack the understanding of what a true friend is. As for me I rarely call anyone friend, and if I do call them friend it is well-deserved and most of the time for short duration as usually something destroys the friendship. Now this is a very important point. Much like today’s black belt, if anyone could have that rank or anyone to be called friend, it’s really not a very special title. Only titles and positions that are extremely hard to attain , hardly no one can walk the walk to attain such the title or position, only in that understanding can you hold your head high and be proud when someone calls you their friend. If a person calls everyone their friend then you are not very special to also be their friend.

As we talked and got to know each other I noticed that he had many bags — insecurity and lack of self-esteem. As the talks one-on-one over the next year he opened up to me stating he was adopted and that his father was often strict with him. One story that sticks out in my mind is that when he was a child and into young adulthood he stated that his father would give him one chance to complete a task and if he failed there was nothing beyond that. There was no teaching, no explaining, no “good job”. There was just you failed and now I will have someone else complete what you could not. I understand the lack of self-esteem as I have many bags myself at life. I was a very small and sick child, always picked on and beat up daily. A good day was to only be beat up by the entire class 4 to 5 times but usually it was more like every. And there were nine periods in the school day plus recess.

As we talked he expressed a great interest in martial arts and talk about personal security in depth. It was more and more intriguing to think that I had found someone with so many common interest. We talked about a style of martial arts,uechi ryu, and he stated that he moves through the Kata seamlessly so I naturally figured that he must’ve been training 15 or 20 years as I was already training for many years and still having trouble with the kata. He also went on to explain that he was a bodyguard and involved in personal perfection for many big names. As we talked I began to notice discrepancies and what he would say compared to what a professional with experience would say. Having my own experience and executive protection and high risk security details I quickly started to notice that the words were right but there was just something lacking — experience. I never said anything because he was such a nice guy and I never wanted to hurt his feelings. We became closer and closer and many more conversations took place about martial arts, self-defense, security, and other subjects that were just good conversation. I came to know him as a very intelligent and well read man, his use of big words flowed off his tongue — not made up or shred chicken — just part of him. I got to know him on a very personal level and of course the teacher in me inclined me to take a personal interest in him setting down his baggage. As the story goes on some readers may feel I overstepped my bounds and interfered in someone’s personal life without reason or right. Others may see that in the end he is a changed man and set on a path that will be good for the rest of his life and also good for his family. The continuing message is — my methods can be somewhat harsh but I produce good results where is the professional who coddles the patient rarely sees the same.

Many conversations would be full of his apology, he would apologize for everything over and over. I try to tell him there was no need and that I was his friend though we had never met we had a good relationship on the phone. I went through some very bad times and I must’ve met my emotions were strained. Without a long detail of the fence I will simply say we lost touch for almost a year. During that year I sent him e-mails and complements on little stories that I read about his generosity to work charities. In one particular instance I read where he donated a very very large amount of money to a charity. I wrote him an e-mail stating it was an honorable thing to do and I thought a lot of him for it but he only replied with, “I feel that you are making fun of me”. The emotional baggage that he carried in his life would not allow him to see my genuine feelings — my genuine compliment. I’m sure if he were to read this, and I hope he does, at this very point in the article he will be disputing many things I have already said and continued to dispute things as I continue with this article. But I feel that I must put this in writing not only as a log for my students but also for him to look back on in years to come and hopefully realize that all I did and said was for his benefit solely.

It seemed hopeless that we would ever have contact again. Every transmission I ended off with, I am always your friend. The content of those e-mails is irrelevant, the only point to be made is that I reached out but he thought I no longer wanted anything to do with him. It was his baggage in life that led him to believe this, but I’m sure she is reading this now he will dispute it and say somehow what was my fault. A few months ago I sent e-mails and one of them was answered, it was the only one that was answered. I had continued to send e-mails, though there was never any reply, about martial arts and just anything that I would e-mail my students and other contacts. I would send training videos, jokes, funny videos, anything just to let him see that I kept sending e-mails and never wanted to break contact. Fast forward to after we made contact again, he said that it was only by chance that he saw one of my e-mails are responded. I am a big believer in fate. I’m sure I can look at my own baggage and say that it is my need to feel important or might need to be the teacher that makes me a problem solver, however, the important part is that he did reply out of chance — had it not been for that one e-mail, he would never have replied to me. We started communicating and it was a better relationship than it had been. I felt that I had made a difference somehow as he was not so sensitive. We had many good conversations. In the past his conversations with me were the only thing that got me through some very sad times. But while we were a power-based many more sad and hopeless times and I was alone. several of my students had quit, moving out of state or just becoming too busy with their family life. Loved ones suddenly became sick and passed. The woman I was with for 17 years was now gone — here’s a funny, we split in two weeks later she got her new boobs and like all the other women in the gym those new boobs changed her — so I was truly alone. After almost a year my friend and I have contact again and I was very grateful. I really wanted to help them set down his baggage. I felt the one thing that he was missing in his life is that someone who said “I’m proud of you, he did a good job”.

Through all our conversations he and Leslie apologize for coughing, talking to someone else, or having to end the conversation. I gave him many topics of discussion and try to impart not only advice but real-life experience. I try to tell him about a workout plan and a diet plan, he was always on a new diet from being a vegan to the Atkins diet. There is only one way to diet and that is the eats sensibly and minimally daily. Workouts cannot be missed and daily life must be filled with chores and vigorous activity. I finally offered for him to come down to Florida and see me. I stated that we would make the trip a training exercise and that he would live as I do for a week. He came down for 12 days. I know he did not understand when I said that I was working for three weeks prior to his arrival to free myself while he was here. Every minute of every day is filled for me. Meeting my life is lived within military discipline, I have house chores, I cooked daily, I never eat out, I take care of the yard, full detail on my vehicle every week which takes 4 to 5 hours on Saturday, between all that and then fixing things and working out 4 to 5 hours a day there is no time to waste. While he was here he said many times “leave that for tomorrow”. My continual message was that there is no tomorrow. The warrior fills every second of every minute of every hour of every day. And then it turns into an hour and hour turns into a day, a day into a month and then the years lost, few live this way but it has paid off in my life. I cooked up for a whole week before to five hours daily so that we would have food for his 12 day trip. I made egg plant Parmesan from scratch manicotti, homemade sauce, I ordered a ribeye that was three months of dry aged — it was about 14 pounds. Nothing but the best to show him that I truly cared, I normally eat very humbly with $.99 chicken thighs and beans all week every week. Rarely do I have vegetables as they are expensive and bought for him, to show my gratitude for his friendship, I bought over 40 red and yellow bell peppers, which are about five dollars apiece down here, shiitake mushrooms — $10 a pound, and many other expensive items to show him my commitment to the friendship. While he was here, we were to work out at my gym as ideal for 4 to 5 hours daily. He has many health issues and only made it to the gym two times. He was sick and afraid of getting ammonia so a few days he had to stay in his hotel room on a breather. I have six tons of rock to spread as I am getting rid of grass. He helped me immensely and actually outworked me. We shovel arrived for about 5 1/2 hours and he was full of life, laughter and during that time I saw a different person. I told him I saw the real “him”. He was not the meek apologetic person I had talked to on the phone for all this time. I was sick myself but he had me laughing and I felt the friendship was closer than it has ever been.

I would now like to take a moment to make a point about the importance of working together. When you work physically and suffer a bit with your friend it inevitably brings you closer together. As stated the professional psychologist or psychiatrist just sits and offers excuses and remedies for your life problems whereas a teacher gets in there and gets his hands dirty with you. Think about this, a person sitting in a suit — in a position of authority is not a person that you humbly trust or feel close to. They are distant in and put a barrier that strongly says I am not your friend I am only your professional here to help you. Just remember this it will be pertinent later on in the discussion. Whereas a teacher associates himself with the student on a more humble and every day means. We were shoveling rock. Nothing glorious about that nothing professional, only two guys doing hard labor, both with health issues and pushing each other through the sickness to complete a task. This is in a small way the way the military brings the team together, suffering together and succeeding together build a bond like no other.

While he was here, I really thought my life aside to cook for him daily and make myself available. I didn’t do any chores and that put me behind my months. I wanted him to understand that my life is so busy that every second turns into a day and a day into a year, but I put my personal chores aside to be a good host and a good friend. Now let’s fast forward to the end of the trip. I felt there were many good aspects and that he had turned a corner — I stated over and over, “leave your bags here in Florida”. I also played a psychological game. Many times when a person has a problem or seeks change in their life, a metaphorical example is needed — something to refer to in times of stress to get them back on track. It’s a sort of brainwashing that the military has used for years, and great nations for centuries. Just think for a minute about the power of a saying — quote — some chant. As humans we aspire to believe in something greater than ourselves. It is the basic premise of the human weakness that we have an innate need to worship a greater power and be part of the bigger picture. Humans are very weak and require a social connectivity and acceptance within a hierarchy. The problem in modern times is that the acceptances usually by a group of losers in the hierarchy does not exist — there is only a group of losers but no leaders. When someone has emotional baggage first you must appear superior so that they want your knowledge, then you must appear needy so that they can help you and feel needed, then you must appear even more fragile than they are so that they can find the strength to help you and in helping you help themselves. So while my friend was here I showed him strength. I showed him a shade of discipline of how I live life but I was not able to show him the reality of how I live life because there was not time and he was sick in his hotel room many days. I wanted him to come to the gym with me every day and see the way I pushed to my workouts and mostly even though I had pain, but he cannot help his health issues and it was more important for him to guard his health and to come to gym. By the time he left we had become very close. So much so that I cried like a baby the day before his departure in the day of his departure I was an emotional wreck. Sure I could’ve guarded my emotions and appeared to be strong and uncaring but that is not the teacher. The teacher lays his sword down at the students needs and says with all humility “here is my sword, I am defenseless, strike me down if you will but know that I only care about you I will not defend myself, I will not fight, I am your friend and you have the ability to strike me down, not through brute force, not through fighting ability, but because you are my friend and you have my heart”.

Now here’s the point of this entire conversation. At the gym I converse with a professional psychologist. I told him of my experience with my friend — how I cooked for him — how I put my personal life aside while he was here and three weeks prior to his arrival — I explained to him that I really felt that I made a difference in his life and showed him for once someone truly cared about him — I went on to explain to him an event one night, my friend bought a chair to sit outside. It was nice weather and we spend every night outside by a fire eating off the grill until the wee hours of the morning. My friend has never been very mechanical. I saw this baggage and ham, he was trying to put this wicker chair together, it was a very simple task but because of his baggage — because he had been shot down in life so much — because father would only give him one chance to fail and then never explain how to succeed — I knew this would be a task that would probably make him feel worse rather than better. He said he wanted to try to put the chair together. So I let him struggle for about 20 minutes then I offered some help. I never told him what to do merely opened his eyes to the problems. The way the chair would go together is that polls with Allen heads or some callbacks heads which require an Allen wrench would be screwed through the frame into a not on an adjacent piece. The instructions were somewhat clear but as always instructions never tell the whole picture. He looked at them for a while and just couldn’t figure out how to put this chair together. Furthermore, there were plastic caps on several of the inserts — there was a threaded insert that would go through the frame of the connecting piece and the Allen screw with securing — how it actually goes together is irrelevant — the only relevant part is that there were caps on these inserts which hid the threaded hole. Knowing that his father would give him one chance to fail and then just take over or get someone else on was not about to let him fail nor was I about to give him any answers. I would make him work through this offering only slight hints and instruction when needed but I would not solve this puzzle for him. In the end at 10 minute job turned into almost 2 hours. I knew that there was a lot of screwing to do and that little Allen wrench was not going to get the job done quickly. I offered my cordless drill with an Allen had insert but he refused many times over. He was reading the instructions but nothing was making sense. I finally said wrote the instructions away and just look at it as a cheer. Just look at it as a cheer — you know what a chair looks like so therefore you know how to put this together. He couldn’t get the concept so I started taking pieces and asking him if they went together this way or that way. I would hold the side of the cheer against the back of the chair and ask — “does this look right “does this look right”. Then I would hold the bottom to the side of the chair and again asked “does this look right”. When there was no reply and I knew wasn’t making sense I would then start to offer a bit event site and say “we know that a cheer as the back and we know their cheer has a seat now we look at besides this looks like where you put your arm and looked at the slope of the cheer this would indicate that it goes backward”, and so on. Finally we started to construct the chair, now there were only about 8 V that had to be put in but it was a very daunting task for him as he has not done this before. I started to line up holes and tell him what the bolt in and as he attempted to I would ask what the little round flat and he was — the washer. He asked what it was for and why would you use it. I then offered a very detailed explanation of the use of the washer, all different sizes and why you would put on one side versus the other. I immediately saw that this is something he was not used to, he was used to just being told what to do, failing at it, and being sent away. This time, however, I made him work through it only offering questions not answers. Then he started to use the Allen wrench and if you’ve ever used one there is a very short side in the long side, it looks like an L. I suggested that he use alongside to screw the bolt in far enough to where he met resistance as the long side can be twisted between your fingers and quickly rotated. He was using the short side which only gave him a quarter turn at a time. When it finally got snide then you turn the wrench to the small side in the long side gives you that the work needed to tighten the fastener. I’ll spare you the rest of the task but the important part is that almost 2 hours later into a 10 minute assembly it was finally together. At one point I kept saying the plastic caps probably go into the frame and no screw was needed. However I knew that the caps were just protectors and must be removed. We placed the back of the chair on the hole in the side frame but it would not fit because of the protective. I told him to lean on it as hard as he can — all 330 something pounds of him, I even got a sledgehammer and started whacking it but it would not go in. Finally he offered a solution — he said we should cut the Off. I kept saying let’s try another way. I knew if we took a blade to the We would damage the furniture I also knew that the Would just pull off. I said again you don’t think that Would come off? He pulled on and pulled on it but it would not come. He again wanted to cut it off. I knew that these protective caps had to be twisted to break loose the bond when they are put on at the factory but he did not know that in his reality was that the Would only be cut off. So we again tried to push the Through the hole with no success. Then finally I said to him “well we know that this is the side and we know that this is the back and we know that this is where you set so all we have to do is get the back to go into the side needs and were good.” But the issue still remains that the Would not go into the hole and he knew that it had to come off but wanted to cut it so finally I said to him “I think you’re right, these Staff to come on but I don’t know if we should cut them”. I then pulled on it with all my strength and nothing but I wanted him to see it was trying his way, then I twisted it slightly and said with great amazement “hey I just twisted this thing by accident and it seems to move do you think you could get it off? You’re a lot stronger than I am and I think if you twisted a little it may pop off”. They came off with the ease with a slight twist and we started to put the cheer together. There were a couple holes that didn’t lineup but I did not offer any solution. I merrily kept asking questions. Finally I asked “what if you were to just push this site a little bit it looks like it has enough play that you can line the hole up”. It worked and we finally got the cheer together. The point is that I did not chastise him nor did I give him answers I merely kept asking questions to try to guide him to the answer. In retrospect I sure wish he would’ve taken me up on the grill because we were both starving and dinner didn’t come for another two hours after this :}
my point is that when you want to help someone you must be willing to take the time to walk the path with them. It doesn’t do anyone a bit of good to give them the answer, only to make them suffer her struggle to find the answer. My message is are often thrown down and said to be wrong. However, my methods are successful and I have changed many lives.
Now for a little side diversion. The psychologist at the gym, I love talking to him because he is full of knowledge and often gives me insight and they did not have before, but it is from a professional point of view and differs greatly from my point of view as a “teacher”. I explained to him the whole trip and all that I had done for my friend. And I must say that my friend really prove himself in friendship — while he was here my doggie became very ill and I was financially strapped, my friend came with me to the vet , I had a bill for one day over $500 and my friend paid for it — this meant so much to me, it was not helping me but helping what I love — my doggie is everything to me. Though my friend has financial means it is not his obligation to spend his money on me or my problems but he did unselfishly. This made me feel even more obligated to help him set his bags down. As I explained to the psychologist how I thought that I showed him such friendship by clicking and putting my personal life aside,, as I explained how I tried to set an example those years older than me I showed him a warrior life of dedication and “get it done now”, the psychologist blew me away as he told me that I had hurt my friend, not help them, my whole world had crashed. I asked him to explain this and he did stating that by looking for my friend I made him feel bad because I put so much aside that he could not repay the favor. This did not make sense to me. He went on to say that by showing him how I live I made him feel like a loser because he could not live in the same fashion. I explain that money was to give him a glimpse into another world and even went so far as to bring up class issues stating that many people walk away for me with her head hung low because when you interact with me there are no more excuses. Students in interview or ones that are dismissed are forced to see themselves for what they are and most of the time that is a loser — that is why they cannot be part of class. But the psychologist one on to explain that everything I did was detrimental to my friend and did not help him. So I decided to make an experiment out of this. I believe that my ways are right — I first show or person that I genuinely care for them, then we talk about their issues, then I offer the solution by living life in a different way — what I call “the warrior path,”. The experiment would be to tell my friend with the psychologist said and see how he reacted. I had hoped that he would have stated the psychologist was full of crap and that my method was perfect and helped him so much but I was wrong. When I explained to my friend all the psychologist had said, much to my surprise my friend wholeheartedly agreed and went on to scold me for being such a jerk to him. I really wasn’t expecting this. Through all my experience no one has ever really lashed out at me this way but they have gone their own way and ceased contact for many years — but in every case there is a letter, e-mail, phone call, and something years later when the student calls and says training had changed her life back there a better parent, husband or wife, their career took off — something but always a benefit. They always go on to explain that at the time they thought I was mean, cruel in my training methods, or just plain insulting to them — but years later they understand that it was tough love — that I cared so much, unlike everyone else I was willing to be hated to help them. I know my methods work but the price is being despised for a time until the student realizes how much they have been helped.

So after I explained the psychologist point of view, my friend rip me a new one then he left me a long message and rip me about 10 more. He scolded me harshly stating I always want everything my way, I cut him off on the phone all the time and bully him, and so many other things. Now in my defense, many times they do cut him off because he gets off on a tangent of jokes and irrelevant statements that take us from a serious conversation and if I let him continue he ends up saying he lost his point and we can’t remember what we were talking about. So I do cut him off but it is in a strategic way. He also said that I am selfish and want things my way, truly do insist on my way but not because I am selfish, only because I care. How else can you teach someone to do something different if you do not insist on doing it the right way. A good example would be someone taking pasta out of boiling water with your bare hand. I say this because right now I am boiling water for my Sunday pasta. If you see them put their hand into the boiling water in their hand becomes blistered and they suffer second degree burns — if you care about them you will assist that they use a colander and not use their hand anymore. Their position could be that you want things your way and your selfish — the reality is that you do want things your way but not because your selfish, only because you care. When someone has been scorned in their life, when they have baggage, when they have low self-esteem and have been hurt by so many, it is only natural that they lash out at anyone who tries to help them. Long before they have the confidence to understand the care they have the defense to feel the attack.

After my friend rip me another 10 holes on the phone I said to him that I would change. I would no longer cut him off, I would not insist on anything, I would not offer him advice nor would I ever tell him he was doing anything wrong again. In part of his message he expounded on how he is 55 (I am only 47) he is a grown man and able to make his own decisions. I apologized in my most humble way and since then, which has only been a couple weeks, I have not offered advice or try to change anything that he does. I see that he is making mistakes and has worked out and hurting himself but I will not offer advice. There are a few things that I would like to offered by Sun but I will not because he scolded me so harshly. I do not hold it against him with any malice, I understand that this is a natural progression and I am happy that he was able to stand up to me even though he is doing it out of a motion he is making progress. The price of being a teacher is often also being the one who is hated. But if your heart is pure and truly intend to help someone and you will endure and wait for the call someday that says “you changed my life”. He has stated that he is doing things much differently, he has told me that he is trying to have it dedicated workout schedule though his health will not permit him to be as dedicated as he should — and that is one of the areas that I see him making mistakes, I wish I could advise him on how not to get so sick through his workouts but after his scolding I will not give any offering and just let him figure it out if he does. He told me that his trip to Florida has changed his life and that he is more confident — I brought up here a few times and he said that that was a huge thing for him that he gained confidence not to run away from problems but to attack them. While he was here he told me that the cheer incident was scary to him but because I made him figure it out he learned that he can just attack things and try to figure them out rather than quit — while he was trying to put the cheer together and struggling he kept saying “why don’t we just returned — maybe there is someone to store I can pay to put it together”. I just kept pushing him to get it together on his own just figure it out.

From the psychologist point of view, a professional in his field, meaning I did everything wrong. Yet the psychologist admits that he has little success with his clients staking his failure on the client who was not willing to accept change or in their wrong. Whereas my methods produce results, my message change lives, my methods work — but I have to pay the price — I am not honored as a professional as the psychologist is in most of the time students walk away for me hating me or at least feeling bad towards me. But years later when they put their baggage down, when their lives are good in their minds readies, then I get the letter or call stating how they did not see the wisdom in my ways or did they feel that I cared for them, but like a child who does not understand a parent is guarding them until they are old and it is too late to offer gratitude, so the student and my friend will take a lifetime to understand the unselfish and loving ways of my training but until then I will be a bit scorn and that’s okay — there is a price in being a teacher, there is no glory, there is no reward in the form of a certificate, there is only a reward many years later when that student or friend calls and tells you how they benefited from what they once thought was wrong.

My friend is now back in his home state on the other side of the country for me. I hear a confidence in his voice that was not there before, he states that his trip has changed him and though he still has bags he will send them here to Florida and put them down forever, he has changed and I am so happy. He scolded me, not out of anger, but out of pain and fear that had been put in him by others, I know he was not lashing out at me only using me as an example of the ones who had heard him. To be a teacher and to truly help the ones you care about you need a lot of knowledge and a great understanding of human emotion. So many things I told him that he doesn’t agree with get subconsciously he is a ready doing them. All that he scolded me for has worked — all that he agreed with the psychiatrist about is wrong. If I had taken the psychologist advice my friend would never have had any benefit. I could go on and on and give more specific details but I think the point of the conversation has been made. Tough love never fails as long as it is actually taught “love”. You cannot teach with malice or with the dark heart, must teach with empathy and a willingness to sacrifice your own emotional baggage and become human to the student. Something I always tell my students, when you teach, you have to screw up — you have to make a mistake even if it’s intentional, you have to appear human to the student.

Professionals like the psychologist that I know never appear human to their patients, they appear to be infallible professional. Whereas I appear to be strong and heartless in the beginning to show them strength but as we get closer a show them that I am indeed honorable, fragile, vulnerable, and my heart is there’s for the slaying or friendship — whichever they choose. It is only by showing strength in the dark side that people want to follow — it is only for the violence that people start in martial arts, they come to train with me initially because I am so tough and so good — they come for the fight — but after a few months they realize that it is not about the fight and I am very good at conveying to them the fight is nothing — it’s about living — it’s about being a good person every day being dedicated in being a good role model for those that you love.

In the end in my methods do seem harsh and not understood by many, are one thing that I need is a student willing to change, the psychologist is good at working with weak minded people who do not desire change merely an excuse to stay as they are. He gets paid whether they change or not said he is the professional — emotionally detached. I am emotionally involved and do not receive pay for helping someone. I am willing to put myself out there set an example and in the end be hated — for to be a teacher you must let go of your ego and not one the “professional” title. Whether in martial arts or in life I do not wish to be thought of as a rank or title — I do not claim certificates — I do not want to be addressed as shihan, or any other title particular to martial arts that is associated with high rank, I do not wish to be addressed as Sir or Mr., my greatest honor and pride is back of being the teacher.

To be a teacher you must walk the walk and set the example. You must suffer far more than the student and be far stronger than the student. But you must not expect them to be as strong as you were suffer as much as you. Being a teacher is being the Guardian, a friend, a disciplinarian, and the guide. That is not to say I have not grown in my life, matured, I always look back to my emotional baggage but the important thing is that I studied and came to understand it so that is no longer a weakness but our strength. In that way I feel I have served my friend well, I have appear human and now I have been hurt by his holding, but I do not hold malice towards him I only wish that he would progress faster and see the wisdom in my methods.

In the end we are friends and will remain friends, at least I hope. He stated he will not walk away from the friendship but still states all my flaws. However here’s the kick in the head, he told me he did not want me to interrupt him, talk over him, change subjects, he told me many things that he did not want me to do. To honor him I do not do that, but now he is upset that I have changed. This is so common that a student will complain about my methods yet when I change to comply with their ways they feel that they are no longer cared about. And there is less clear given because I am catering to their ways. What they do not understand is that all the complaining and advice is because I care for them, instead of lowering their head and saying thank you, they seek to become mighty teacher — something I do not need nor want. It is always harder for someone older than I to accept my advice — I get it — but if someone is not willing to be the student they cannot see the wisdom of the teacher. I don’t teach things that I have not experienced to their fullest degree or master, I only insist on things that I know are correct. For instance I will soon be teaching my longest student to use taps and dies — tools to read all hole in the steel — I am a machinist by trade — I have an expertise in this area. If my student were to argue with me about the drill size for a particular threaded hole I would have to insist that he is wrong and do it my way because I know what is the correct drill for the correct thread size. He will not argue with me as he is good at following instructions and therefore is my longest student and has the most knowledge — but if he were to argue with me about using the wrong drill size that I would have to let him and he would fail at spreading the whole — breaking the tap — the tool — and never learning. Such is the case with my friend — his life has been changed through his own admission for the better — he stated he is much more organized in his home and in his life — he stated everyone in his family sees a big change in him — however he scolded me for my methods so now I will back off — I’m not doing this to be spiteful but it is part of the learning process. He had to gain confidence by standing up to someone and if it is me that he should shit on that I am willing to take it for his benefit. After the harsh lesson the teacher then lowers his head and becomes the victim for a bit. My friend has to experience the confidence of throwing someone down and not getting confrontational about it. He has to experience someone saying “I’m sorry I hurt you and I won’t again”. That someone is to be me. It is all part of the process and I understand that. After he gains a little more confidence he will again scold me for not talking over him and for all the other things that he told me I should change. He will start to feel a bit unloved and think I do not care enough to correct them. But for now he needs the confidence of knowing that I listen — actually heard his words and I have changed because I care about him so much. In time he will put his emotion aside and see the care that I offered him — I think the psychologist was wrong — if we compare our success rates — I am far ahead of his methods. But he makes far more money than I do for doing much less.

As is my style I never like to state anything as fact merely throw a bunch of ideas for the reader to draw their own conclusions. This was a very broad conversation with pointed experiences yet little concrete evidence of how things unfolded. If you want to help someone you can only take them down a path that you have her ready walked. If you have walk down a path and failed — the enemy caught you off guard and killed you, then it would be very wrong of you, both from a moral standpoint in a matter of the heart to take someone down that same path for you know the end result — the enemy caught you off guard and took your life — why would you leave someone else down the same path? Only through experience and the willingness to admit your mistakes, more importantly, to offer the solution for them not to make your mistakes can you teach. And then there are the cases where most fail — when you actually know someone will make a mistake — the psychologist, psychiatrist, parents, they all try to prevent the person from making the mistake. The teacher, however, knows that the student will make the mistake and rather than try to prevent them from making that mistake the teacher will tell them, “I know you will make these mistakes and there is nothing I can do to change her mind — this is part of growing — you will have to make the mistake and you’ll have to suffer the consequences — instead of trying to prevent you from making the mistake I will teach you what to do WHEN you make the mistake so that you are not destined to make the same mistake again nor will you ruin your life for having made the mistake. You will make many mistakes in your life but the important thing is that you learn and grow from them — I will not try to prevent you from experiencing life only try to tell you what to do after you screw up”.

I hope in some small way that many readers will have new insight and be a better friend to others who are in need. Being a friend, being a teacher, always seeking wisdom and knowledge is a lonely path. You will get hurt by selfish people in the world will force you to become close off and cynical. But from your guarded castle you should always look over the wall to see if you notice someone passing by who you can at least invite to the front gate and possibly let them in to the courtyard. This is what I have done with my friend and if nothing else transpires between us I know that I given him something in his life that no one else has — by his own admission his life is changed — 12 days in Florida with me has given him new insight — new strength — a new way to live. So no matter what he yells at me about or how much he tells me I was wrong, I will apologize and smile and side knowing that perhaps for the first time in his life someone really made him feel that he matters — matters more than someone else

Sterile, forensic & objective… a profound message from a friend

Posted in Uncategorized on February 24, 2017 by thebrutalityofreality

rather than get into a long explanation as i usually do

i’ll just post this great comment ,   take what you will from it……

Sterile, forensic & objective…
“Sterile” = mind, body, time and area “clean & clear” for training- particular to: free from distraction focused on task…ready
“Forensic” = we have “studied” and dissected the training, our start to the now needs, cause, sense & measure/progress
“Objective” = what we are doing moves us to our goal, straddles it, chases it as a journey or walk that we don’t want to end, like a deed, not glory, breathing not a breath


Posted in Uncategorized on August 27, 2016 by thebrutalityofreality

I just got off the phone with my senior student who has been with me for almost 10 years. My way of teaching is to plan messages and concepts in the subconscious brain. This bit of understanding is needed if you are to understand this article. Some people like to make a point of conversation with strict parameters of fact and the lessons to be learned. For example in martial arts, the instructor (instructor not a teacher — the reader should look at instructor versus teacher) will teach many specific techniques whether it be a defense from a grab or something off the ground the message will always be the same, there will always be a specific answer to a specific problem.  the problem with this is that the student is never left to explore or learn. They are given strict parameters in which they must believe and therefore they are deceived. an instructor or anyone who does not truly care about the pupil was simply pointing out their point of view and demand that it be taken as an indisputable law of the universe. A teacher, on the other hand, does not teach life lessons within such a narrow parameter allowing the student to develop his own hypothesis. A true teacher will merely plant ideas and concepts that the student can ponder — but never state anything as concrete as this will deter the student from questioning the truth. I believe that conversations leading to nowhere should be filled with valid points, whether understood or not, that the student can draw on for the rest of his life. An example would be a father that is constantly preaching to his son to put tools away, he is constantly preaching the value of such tools and constantly preaching that without these tools there are many projects that cannot be completed and therefore the only remedy would be to call someone who would charge a great deal of money and most likely not do a very good job. The child, and his arrogance and all-knowing wisdom, is constantly rejecting the father’s wisdom — he cannot, will not, and absolutely rejects the value of the tools. Though the father/son has gone unheard and unappreciated for a time, later on in life when the child has his own home and things are breaking, he will draw upon the wisdom that was once given to him. Though as a child she rejected the wisdom, now in his adult years he will cherish it and continually learn from the lessons he once thought were useless. Such is the way with teaching. I feel that many conversation should be had with the student that you truly care about — whether it be about nothing or subject of importance, points must be made that may not be understood at this time but he will draw upon and find success in his life later on. A teacher of the true path is not teaching fighting rather teaching living. Long after I am gone I hope that my students and this one in particular will reflect on the conversations that we have had and draw wisdom that has gone unseen for many years. In return, they will pass that wisdom to their children and that will honor me as their teacher.


Now that you have a basic understanding of my teaching methods I wish to impart an experience that took place at the gym. Though I pride myself on being the teacher I also pride myself on being the student. There is an older gentleman at the gym, a psychologist, who I love to talk with. Whenever I am contemplating teaching a seminar or just putting a valid point across in class, I like to bounce it off him and get the clinical diagnosis of money point to me made. Whether it’s just a big word or a scientific train of thought, I enjoy talking with this guy in hearing his point of view. An instructor would dismiss his thoughts entirely because instructors are not teachers. However, as a teacher, I am not only obligated but bound by duty and adherence to the old codes to continually learn myself so that I may pass knowledge to my students. A recent topic was about a seminar I was teaching on this scam of martial arts and in particular self-defense classes. Without going into great detail my point was simple — self-defense in modern martial arts teaches the student to be fearful. Now many of you are probably arguing this point already. Open your mind and try to understand rather than argue. Modern day martial arts is not the true military art that was taught many years ago. It is not the same training that I went through back in the 70s. Today it is all about money and money is only generated when everyone is happy and feeling successful. Now on to self-defense. Self-defense classes claim to give you the power to take life in just a few minutes am practicing maybe two or three moves. Self-defense classes claim to give you power over your assailant — power that will keep you safe and keep your loved ones safe. This is the biggest lie and bring shame to anyone following the old code. My conversation with a psychologist was about fear. My position was that modern martial arts and self-defense in particular teaches the student to become fearful of a strike or a threat. His position was that fear is a healthy thing and keeps us safe. I kept insisting that I understand his point, especially from a clinical diagnosis. Fear is indeed a healthy thing and does keep us safe in many ways. Through in many many years of genetic and coding and many years of development, the human mind has developed this emotion called fear. Whether you think it is thousands were merely hundreds, we all possess innate desire to survive, to live, to avoid death. Fear has kept us safe in many battles and in daily life. However, my position remains that fear is just an emotion — a ghost that can be overcome through training. Knowledge reduces fear and most often takes fear a way completely. So why do we have fear is the first question on my mind? However the psychologist rooted in facts states that fear is the essential human emotion that keeps us safe. I strongly disagree with this. I agree with fear keeping us safe for the amateur, for the week, for the unsure, and especially the untrained. When you break down the fear, it reduces to a simple equation. Fear can be broken up into two categories — known unknown fear. That lecture could take hours just to begin to make the point so I will avoid unnecessary clutter and just leave it as fear is an emotion created by the unknown. The psychologist held his position that fear has kept us  safe through the centuries and continues to keep us safe in modern times. I couldn’t make him understand that fear is only useful to the untrained.


Here’s my point. Someone throws a punch at your head. Your innate fear to survive and avoid death makes you flinch — perhaps duck a bit and retreat from the strike. The modern so-called martial artist bobs and weaves trying to avoid the strikes. Modern martial arts classes teaches to avoid strikes, redirect them, and at all costs just avoid getting hit. While this may seem logical it is teaching the student to be fearful — fearful from being hit. I think some of you may start to see the point of this article. If you are fearful of being hit you cannot have a viable defense. As the samurai said, when you accept death only then can you begin to live. Perhaps this is not the exact quote but the point is they are. As I teach my students, trained to take the hits so that you can focus on the fight — if you are worried about getting hit you have no time to think about your defense or counter defense. There are so many lies that are taken as truth that martial arts and daily living in general has become a fantasy world geared towards the weak mind. Whether it’s hiring a personal trainer who claims the amount of weight you lift is not a factor to the self-defense class that brags about teaching you in five minutes how to kill someone, these are all lies years towards the weak mind.


My point with the psychologist was this, if you are fearful of the strike you will not engage it wholeheartedly and with proper form and aggression to neutralize the attacker. Though I have proven my point over and over with professional personnel who actively engage in high-level threats, the psychologist who has never been in a fight, who uses words and point of view as his defense, adamantly disagreed with me. Think about this, if you are afraid of getting punched you will shy away from punch and even if you block it successfully you have the innate fear of being hit. Through training you can transcend this fear, which is an illusion not fact.  self-defense class would teach you to dock and cover or perhaps block and avoid the strike. Sport martial arts, which is all you can find these days, we’ll teach you an array of moves and strikes that are said to be effective against any assailant. However, if you talk to law-enforcement, executive bodyguards, even met X. and firefighters — personnel working in a trauma ward — they will all tell you that people on drugs or with mental issues do not react in rational ways. Therefore, everything that is taught in self-defense classes and modern martial arts is a lie.  The proof lies within the experiences of people who actually deal with life-threatening situations. The lie deals within around of commercial classes taught by instructors who have never engaged in real battle and believe by students that have never been in a real fight and probably never will be, they are taking the class to satisfy the ego and compensate many shortcomings within their own lives. This is not martial arts, this is a fantasy — A. bundle of flies to feed the weak ego of losers.


My point with the psychologist was that through training you will not shy away from the strike unless it is part of the technique. There are many techniques were you slide the punch or even letting a raise you a bit further greater good of winning the battle. There are many techniques where the prescribed maneuvers demand that you seemingly shy away from the strike, however this is not fear-based, this is based on a strict proven form — a method — of the technique. There is a difference between “defense” “counter defense”. That is a long discussion and would make for great article, but for now let’s just say that self “defense” is not real. Why is it not real? The answer lies within the argument of the psychologist versus my argument of the teacher. His argument is concrete, backed up by facts, proven and laboratories, but lacks real life experience. My argument is based in real life experiences, backed by facts from people who have been in these real-life experiences, and cannot be proven in the confines of a scientific lab — only in real life — on the streets — were true warriors live. Through training you gain confidence, with that confidence comes greater scale because you are no longer fearing the consequence of failure. With the confidence comes Karen to encourage — though they are mental they aid the physical.


Now getting onto my students comment that I wholeheartedly disagree with but I see the validity of his position. First I would offer this example to prime the readers mind. If you are trying to cook a meal and it comes out terrible — the taste is horrible — would you try again? Now some of you are saying yes and a couple say no — I would modify the recipe. If, in the beginning of the recipe you became frustrated, would you walk away and leave everything on the stove or would you continue on trying to do your very best at the meal knowing that you would fail and in the end it would be horrible? Probably most of you are saying that you would continue on — but this is probably a fault statement generated by your ego — the innate need to succeed. Let’s be honest. You’re cooking a complex dish that requires money or so ingredients. I am a great cook — I understand that cooking is not simply following a recipe but it is following your instincts. Much like a self-defense technique or any thousand are old martial arts technique, cooking requires a connection of the soul — a creativity that is far beyond the written word of a recipe or a technique. When you are done with the meal — when you know you have work your hardest on — you taste it and find it true that you knew all along, it’s horrible, it’s disgusting — you can’t eat it, you have to just throw it in the garbage.


The preceding example of cooking was a strategic example because cooking cannot be walked away from. Once you begin looking you must stay there and complete the project. That is the point of the example. It doesn’t matter what the dish, it doesn’t matter what the problem, the point is that once you have started cooking you cannot stop because you are frustrated, you cannot stop because you feel that you are not doing a good job. Once you start cooking a meal you are obligated to endure to the end. It is at the end that you will find your success or failure. But there is no opportunity to leave the meal and come back to it when you feel calm and confident. That’s the key words in this article — calm and confident. Just think about this, you start boiling macaroni you are preparing a homemade sauce which takes 10 hours to simmer on the stove before it is done. Well, in the first hour you are frustrated because you can’t peel the onions, in the second hour you are frustrated because you can’t open the can of tomatoes, in the third hour you are frustrated because the box of macaroni won’t open easily and you spilled it on the floor. At any point of your frustration would you walk away from this and leave the water boiling and what little sauce you have simmering and continue on with the meal a week later? At any point during this frustration would you just discard everything, throw it in the trash and say to yourself “I’m just going to walk away from this for now but next week I will make a good meal”?


I would hope that all of you will be thinking that you would not abandon the meal and just make do as best you could. Throwing food out is never a good thing and now that you have begun the process how can you stop. Even if you did stop this is your food for that day and perhaps for the ones you love — so if you walk away and intend to come back a week later when you are common and confident, nor your loved ones, will eat that day. This is my point. You cannot walk away from things that frustrate you — much like the example of fear in self-defense — you must train yourself to transcend the emotion and still take action.


I was working on a project, welding some things I’m a smoker I am building, when suddenly everything started to go wrong. The lengths of steel I so carefully measured to win three times somehow were not correct. After I cut them I found that I had made a mistake and somehow, through some stupidity, they were different sizes. Later I started to have welding issues, it was not my scale rather a bad piece of steel that just seemed to disintegrate. Everything was going wrong. I was so frustrated, I was so disgusted with myself for making mistakes that should never have been made. Many other things went wrong as is usual in these circumstances. Frustration sets in compromising cognitive skills and mistakes grow larger and larger causing more and more work just trying to correct them.


And I was telling my student how everything went wrong and I had to cut many pieces off the smoker and then modify them only to re-weld them again. And sometimes when I re-welded them it was wrong again — I had to cut it off and do it all over again wasting material and precious time. I felt like such a loser — how can they make such stupid mistakes? But I feel pride and honor that I did not quit and work through all the frustration though I kept making stupid mistakes, I didn’t complete the tasks for the day. However, my student’s comment, was “I learned to walk away”. I wholeheartedly disagree with his statement though I understand it. Many times people preach when you are upset and frustrated just walk away. Is this a valid point? Yes it is. Many times we get frustrated and our cognitive skills leave us — therefore we cannot see the remedy to the problems before us and continue to make more mistakes compounding our frustration. So the point of walking away and calming down is valid. Many times when you come back to the project you will see things that you didn’t before and find new solutions to unsolvable problems. However, there is a problem with this.


My way is to stick with it no matter how much frustration, no matter how much failure, no matter how many problems, and no matter what obstacles are front of you — stick with it till the end — make it right — make it perfect, if you have to do it over and over and over and over again — do it — just don’t ever walk away from it because that means you fail. Now many of you may disagree with this and what I would offer is that you lack commitment. Think about this. A special operator — a warrior — the elite of the elite is sent on a mission — his success or failure will have tremendous effects upon the nation. As soon as he is the ploy he has met with many obstacles. He cannot navigate because the vegetation is too thick and has thorns — the enemy is not where he was told the enemy would be, therefore it poses many problems for him. The weather becomes fierce and now he has to deal with climate and rain. Through all of this he loses his rations and now must go days without food or water. On top of all of this he falls down a steep cliff and loses his supply of ammunition. Now he is left with only a few rounds that are in his rifle. He is stripped of all his technology, his survival, his advantage, his navigation, and things continue to get worse. He knows that if he fails at his mission the nation will suffer — however he is frustrated because everything is against them. Should you walk away from the mission agency is frustrated? Should he radio in explaining his hardship and asked to be picked up? Should his position being that things went bad and he was just too frustrated so he’ll get back to it at a later date when he is calm and can see things more clearly? I think the reader is starting to get my point. The average mind, the civilian, the weak mind, that come for mine — when it doesn’t matter you can walk away from your project because you are frustrated however, this breeds bad habits for the rest of your life. It is my position that when things become frustrating and all odds are against you, that is when you must dig in and try harder — complete your project at all cost — but never — never ever walk away before you have failed if you do.


So in the case of the psychologist taking his position that fear is a good thing in my position that self-defense and martial arts these days teaches fear rather than defense what is the right path? If you are a sport martial artist or a weekend warrior, then there is nothing wrong with the techniques taught in the lies spoken as truth. However, if the consequence of failing his death then you cannot afford to believe lies or walk away when things get tough. In the case of my welding, I stuck with it no matter how many things went wrong, I never quit, I never walked away. This is the training. Through perseverance you can learn to overcome many things. If your position is that every time you get frustrated — every time the odds are against you — you will walk away and come back to it at a later date, then you are teaching yourself to quit. You are teaching your subconscious mind, which is your total being — not your conscious mind — you are teaching yourself that any time life gets rough you can quit and come back to it. This works out because there are few consequences associated with this way of thinking. We live in a great nation with many laws and many safeguards created to protect the weak minded person. For instance, you are at work — you have an office job–your boss comes by and yells at you for lack of productivity. You feel that everything today has gone wrong and the odds are against you. You explain that you just need some personal time to regroup and tomorrow you will come back 100%. Since you have personal days available you take that time — do whatever it is you do to regroup — maybe drink a lot or just sleep — and the next day you are back at 100%. This would prove that walking away from a problem is the right solution. However, I would argue that stating that you should never have gotten that frustrated in the first place that you couldn’t handle reality. The fact is walking away from most things in life holds no consequence. The world is geared towards the weak mind. Now, if your boss held a gun to your head and told you he would blow your brains all over your computer if you did not complete the daily work — walking away would be a death sentence. The point is to live life with perseverance and honor. Nothing good comes from walking away. I understand frustration — I get frustrated more easily than the average person, however, I keep in mind that I am the teacher — as a teacher, which I take so much pride in, I cannot walk away from problems because I would be setting a bad example. I also take pride in the jobs I’ve had when lives were on the line. When someone and trust you with their life, you cannot walk away and come back when you’re not frustrated — you cannot walk away because they will die. It is this higher mindset — the warrior mindset that I live by and has allowed me to enjoy much success in my life. Even now well being a smoker from a beer keg, I have pride in upholding the standards that I preach. I run into many many problems but I never quit. Even if I worked late into the night I won’t quit because of frustration. The same is true for learning self-defense or a martial art. There is no walking away because you’re frustrated — that is for the loser, the warrior endures, the warrior never quits, the warrior learns as problems arise and solutions are found.


So after all that, all those points that lead nowhere — as is my style to allow the reader to contemplate provide their own solutions — I finally get to the comment that inspired this article — “I learned to walk away”. My student has a valid point that he has learned to walk away when things become frustrating and mistakes are beginning to become the norm. All my life, people have told me to just walk away — I never did. At the gym when I say I am tired or having health issues, people tell me to take a day or even a week off. People routinely tell me that they took a couple days off because they felt tired — or “today I am only doing cardio”. These people are losers — they are quitters. No matter how sick I am or how tired I use the disability as a training method to become stronger and persevere. In the case of my student boldly telling me he learned to walk away, I am saddened by this lesson he has learned. Training the mind to deal with problems will allow the person to transcend the human emotion or frustration. I have not learned to walk away, in fact I have worked hard not to give into that. What I have learned is that in my younger years frustration would overtake me — frustration, like the enemy, cause so much chaos I could not focus on my technique or “counter defenses”. Now in my later years, though I still get frustrated, I work through it and try to regroup and get back to factual thinking rather than emotional.


My point is this. If you walk away from everything that frustrate you you will never complete anything because everything has frustration associated with it. If you only succeed if things that do not encompass frustration that you are engaging in useless behavior and wasting your life. Frustration is to be Met with ferocious battleand an unrelenting will to beat the problem. The problem is the enemy and the enemy must be conquered not walk away from. So when you get frustrated — when you’re having a bad day — don’t walk away from the problems, defeat them as you would defeat an enemy that wanted to take your life. Everything is a constant process of learning and gaining more wisdom. If you walk away from a problem you are walking away from wisdom and knowledge. If you could change your way of thinking you will move forward and gaining much wisdom through the problems and much knowledge to the solutions. But how can I tell my student that what he is so proud of — “I learned to walk away”, is not the right way. How can I tell my student that I care for so dearly that what he sees as wisdom is infecting his entire life? I cannot tell him, I can only point out small examples in my own life and have random conversations with small points that lead nowhere hoping that someday he will look back and understand what I’ve tried to convey in the code that I live by.


I hope for the few of you who have read this till the end, the point is clear and makes a difference in your life. Never walk away from a problem — defeat the problem as you would your enemy — problems, misfortune, they are all our enemy. You would never walk away from an enemy that could kill you — perhaps you would run to survive but you would never walk away. If you have a problem that will take your life, by all means runaway. But if you are merely walking away from frustration in your daily life, you will walk away from everything and never complete anything. Frustration is to be conquered, problems to be solved, solutions to be pondered so that we may keep the wisdom and use it for the next problem. Experience is the key to learning — but only if we find solutions to the problems — if we walk away from problems, then experience dictates our failure.


I hope that some of you have found this article engaging and has given you something to think about next time you’re frustrated. If you are never frustrated that I say you are not living a full life — if you are always frustrated that I say you are not finding solutions to problems — if you’re frustrated some of the time then good for you. I hope you suffer, I hope you have nervous attacks, I hope you scream and throw things — but I hope you never walk away — I hope you gain wisdom through discovering solutions — I hope through your suffering and never repeat the same mistake — I hope for all the suffering that the solutions keep you from suffering in the future and strength and fortitude are your guide to conquer any frustrations in your future. I hope you pass this on to someone you think would gain from it. I hope it has made a difference in your life.

If you choose to believe the lie that comfort you and avoid the truth that hurts you, you are destined to repeat that until you die.